It's been quite a while since I last posted. Where posting on here helped to let out some of my anxieties and fears I have had fewer, and so less need for posting. I am about 10 weeks into my first term of third year now and despite the work being more challenging and the essays being longer and more detailed, I am generally enjoying things and managing my symptoms well.
The relief to finally be simultaneously ill and a student without the one massively impacting the other is huge. I have had a few stressful weeks with my coursework essays though where I underestimated the amount of work needed for the first and then the other two going down like dominoes. I'm still a bit rough because of it but I am grateful that I only feel a bit rough every week or so as opposed to every minute of every day. Mostly anyway!
I also had a panic where I had applied for an extension for one of the courseworks and it was turned down, which had never happened before. Fortunately a meeting with the support office finally shed some light on the situation and what things could be offered to help me when I am struggling to get my work done.
So overall a much more positive time, for now! I am exhausted and can't wait until Christmas but where my only stresses are study related and where I love what I'm studying generally things are OK. I live in a beautiful building and I have lots of neighbours, all of whom are lovely. I have all my meals made for me in a canteen and all my lectures and the bus stop are within 5 minute's walk.
Thoughts of what next year will hold are a little scary though. As a third year my inbox is full of messages that are career related. Currently I really don't want to think about it but I also don't feel there is any rush and that I can take my time when I graduate to find the right job for me.
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Tuesday, 25 November 2014
Wednesday, 17 September 2014
The panic is back, along with the hope
So the results of the PIP assessment thankfully arrived much sooner than the actual assessment did but unfortunately they will not be giving me any benefits. This then has some negatives and some positives and as always, some frustrations.
The most frustrating thing is that when I applied, and therefore needed it most, my form was backlogged somewhere, and now that things have improved a little, suddenly I get an assessment! The positive in this is of course that I have improved and while the whole system is in my view a bit ridiculous, it does demonstrate that I have come very far in my recovery to the point where I am not sick enough for PIP.
The problem with conditions like CFS/ME is that where you have to work yourself hard to do things you have to prioritise very severely. I can just about (but with discomfort) manage most everyday necessary tasks for life, like eating and washing. But to have the energy to do all that and then enjoy other things like socialising and hobbies is something many CFS/ME sufferers lack. My hope was that the PIP money and the disabled status that comes with it would enable me to live a little more because I would not have to worry about the parts of life that most people take for granted. I would get a free bus pass for example which would mean that I could get a bus for short distances without worrying about the accumulating bus fares.
The Bible promises us that we can have life and have it to the full, which right now feels a little out of reach. I have to have faith that God really can live up to this promise.
I am also currently freaking out a bit about going back to university. The fear and anxiety is much, much less than last year but it's still there, making all my symptoms worse. This is very inconvenient as I have loads to do before I head back. The end is in sight though. I had been thinking about quitting or going to a different university to go part time but I feel that this is something I need to do. I would liked to have taken a year out previously to recover and sort out appropriate accommodation but I was unable to do this alone and my parents refused to help me achieve this.
I am getting back my big dreams and I know that God has plans for me that he's excited about. I also know that I would not have gotten through this without God and the promises he has given to me, and everyone who believes in him.
The most frustrating thing is that when I applied, and therefore needed it most, my form was backlogged somewhere, and now that things have improved a little, suddenly I get an assessment! The positive in this is of course that I have improved and while the whole system is in my view a bit ridiculous, it does demonstrate that I have come very far in my recovery to the point where I am not sick enough for PIP.
The problem with conditions like CFS/ME is that where you have to work yourself hard to do things you have to prioritise very severely. I can just about (but with discomfort) manage most everyday necessary tasks for life, like eating and washing. But to have the energy to do all that and then enjoy other things like socialising and hobbies is something many CFS/ME sufferers lack. My hope was that the PIP money and the disabled status that comes with it would enable me to live a little more because I would not have to worry about the parts of life that most people take for granted. I would get a free bus pass for example which would mean that I could get a bus for short distances without worrying about the accumulating bus fares.
The Bible promises us that we can have life and have it to the full, which right now feels a little out of reach. I have to have faith that God really can live up to this promise.
I am also currently freaking out a bit about going back to university. The fear and anxiety is much, much less than last year but it's still there, making all my symptoms worse. This is very inconvenient as I have loads to do before I head back. The end is in sight though. I had been thinking about quitting or going to a different university to go part time but I feel that this is something I need to do. I would liked to have taken a year out previously to recover and sort out appropriate accommodation but I was unable to do this alone and my parents refused to help me achieve this.
I am getting back my big dreams and I know that God has plans for me that he's excited about. I also know that I would not have gotten through this without God and the promises he has given to me, and everyone who believes in him.
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